


Like a Lover

by Marie_Tomas



Category: Chronicles of Narnia (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Arguing, Awkward Flirting, British, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drunkenness, Eventual Romance, Feelings, First Kiss, Fluff, Hugs, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Modern Era, POV Edmund Pevensie, Poor Edmund, Secret Crush, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Rivalry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-17 19:03:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14837399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marie_Tomas/pseuds/Marie_Tomas
Summary: The last thing that Edmund Pevensie needed in his life was somebody else to act like an overprotective older brother...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The characters in this fan-fiction are mostly based on those in the Chronicles of Narnia films, in particular The Voyage of the Dawn Treader film; however, this is a Modern AU set in the British countryside.
> 
> Edmund is nineteen years old in this story, and fully believes that he's mature, independent, doesn't need anyone to take care of him et cetera. (That's what he tells everyone, anyway. :)) 
> 
> Caspian is portrayed as being a couple of years older than him.
> 
> (Just as a note for a later part of this story, the legal drinking age in the United Kingdom is eighteen.)

The last thing that Edmund Pevensie needed in his life was somebody else to act like an overprotective older brother.

This thought was at the forefront of his mind one afternoon in mid-April, when he was standing in the middle of the living room at his family home, there to say goodbye yet again to his older siblings, Peter and Susan, before they headed back to their 'adult' lives after spending the holidays at their childhood home.

Susan was going back to America to work and travel, for at least the next two to three months, as she'd told their parents.

Judging by all the private messages his older sister had sent him recently, Edmund also suspected that there was a maybe a man over in America who Susan fancied, and that this was the reason why she was always so eager to return to the States after every visit home to their small, quiet village in the countryside, almost exactly an hour away from London, where not a lot happened on a day to day basis.

Not that Edmund minded very much about all of Susan's messages about 'handsome men'. After all, it had been quite nice to have someone to confide in when he'd started to realise that  _he_ also found men rather handsome, too. Not to mention that Susan understood exactly why Edmund had always been so fascinated by tales about princes, even when he was very young.

While Susan was going back to America, Peter was returning to study at Oxford University. Edmund had almost lost track of how many years Peter had already completed at the prestigious university. After all, although his secondary school teachers had often insisted that Edmund was one of the brightest students in his class, all thought of academic study had always bored him. If it wasn't for his parents' loud and constant praise of Peter's achievements, Edmund probably would have avoided all discussion about Oxford all together, if it had been his own choice.

The Pevensies' friend Caspian was also in the living room today, apparently trying to play games with Edmund's cousin Eustace in the corner of the room to keep him occupied, while Edmund's younger sister Lucy joined in with the games with a big grin on her face…although Edmund suspected that she was simply making an effort to look happy in order to keep up Eustace's enthusiasm. Edmund had once tried to explain Eustace's typical behaviour to his group of friends, but really, Eustace had to be seen to be believed.

Edmund and Lucy had first met Caspian a few months ago, when Lucy had been attempting to help Edmund with his supermarket shopping and Edmund had been insisting that he could carry all the shopping bags himself. Of course, one of the shopping bags had split open as they walked home, causing its contents to spill out all over the pavement.

That was when Caspian had rushed to their aid like some kind of knight in shining armour, kneeling down to help Edmund pick up the spilled food items with a reassuring grin while Edmund fought off a strange urge to blush (telling himself the whole time that he was just embarrassed by his own clumsy behaviour), and feeling almost like he had been stunned into silence, while Lucy grinned and thanked Caspian as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

After he'd ignored Edmund's protests and walked alongside them, helping them to carry the remains of their shopping for the rest of the journey home, Caspian told them both a bit about his life; he'd moved to the village recently to help take care of his sick father, who happened to be the only family he had left, and he was in his final year at university, studying English literature, with a focus on Shakespeare and the classics.

After that day, Caspian just seemed to gradually become a part of their lives, helping them to babysit their cousin Eustace, and sharing long discussions with Lucy about literature.

Caspian seemed to show up at the family home a lot, usually with strange excuses as to why he was there, or he would show up at Edmund's flat, asking to borrow things, or he'd bring books over that he insisted Edmund would like to read, while Edmund would always be too busy staring at Caspian to really notice the books...

Edmund was still trying to work out why Caspian was so enthusiastic about being here today, when he wasn't even a member of their family. He supposed it could be because Caspian wanted to spend more time with Eustace, who seemed to provide Caspian with hours of endless amusement, although Edmund wasn't sure why exactly this was the case-unlike Caspian, Edmund had never found Eustace's constant outbursts or his insulting entries in the diary he insisted on writing every day to be particularly funny.

He also supposed that Caspian could be here because he genuinely enjoyed spending time with Lucy, and maybe he wanted to continue the 'lively debate' about Shakespeare that they had yesterday evening.

Or maybe he was even here to wish Peter good luck with his next term at Oxford. As a passionate student of literature, Caspian really seemed to appreciate Peter's dedication to his university studies (unlike Edmund), and Caspian and Peter seemed to share similar points of view about lots of things.

Although, Edmund couldn't help suspecting that Caspian was  _really_  here to see Susan off. She did look very pretty today in a blue dress and her hair styled into perfect curls, and Edmund had already noticed that Caspian held Susan close for an unnaturally long time after he'd given her a hug a few minutes ago (not that he was paying too much attention to that, or anything). He wasn't sure  _why_  however this display of affection had made him feel like there were knots in his stomach, and like he maybe wanted to kick something.

Edmund was distracted from his thoughts when Susan opened her arms to give him a hug. As Susan held him tight and made him promise to send her a message soon, Edmund felt conflicting emotions.

He was sad to see Peter and Susan go, he really was-all of Edmund's significant childhood memories involved all of his siblings, with the four of them growing up together and forming a close bond, always playing their childhood games involving kings and queens and various fairy-tale creatures, and it had always been nice to have Susan to confide in, and to have Peter to attempt to solve all his problems for him. It often felt as though a part of him were missing whenever he was separated from any of his siblings.

But on the other hand, the whole time Susan and Peter had been back home, it felt almost as though they'd reverted back to their childhood roles, with Peter taking charge of everything and constantly bossing Edmund around. Edmund was nineteen now, with his own job and rented flat and independence, and he was more than capable of taking care of himself-and his younger sister and cousin-and a more selfish part of him was therefore looking forward to getting some of this independence back now that the holidays were over; he wanted his parents to go back to seeing _him_ as the one who could take charge of situations, not Peter.

As though to prove Edmund's point, as soon as he had patted Peter awkwardly on the back, his older brother suddenly sighed and folded his arms, looking at Edmund with what could only be described as an expression of sympathy.

"I do hope you're going to be all right, Edmund," said Peter in the annoyingly pompous accent that he seemed to have picked up since he'd started at Oxford, "after Susan and I are gone…"

"I'll be fine," Edmund quickly cut him off, trying to sound as insistent as possible.

He was so busy trying not to frown or glare that at first he didn't notice that Caspian had moved closer to him. But then, Caspian put his left arm around him, which Edmund couldn't help but pay attention to.

"He has me," Caspian told Peter with a smile, as he looked significantly from Edmund and then back to Peter again before he pulled Edmund even closer to his body, almost like he was trying to shield him, to protect him.

This time, Edmund couldn't help the scowl that crossed his face. As nice as it felt to have Caspian standing so close to him, Edmund didn't like where this was going. He'd waited years to step out of Peter's shadow, and now it seemed like someone else was trying to step right into Peter's place instead, to pick up where his older brother left off.

He especially didn't like the way that both Peter and Susan raised their eyebrows at Caspian's response, sharing a not-so-discreet glance, almost like they knew something that Edmund didn't.

It also didn't help that Caspian was looking rather handsome today, wearing a tight black T-shirt, dark jeans and with his long(ish) hair styled into what Edmund was sure Lucy would call a 'man-bun'.

"I'll be fine," Edmund insisted again through gritted teeth as he glared at both Peter and Caspian.

* * *

For a few days after Peter and Susan's departure, Edmund didn't think too deeply about Caspian's behaviour in front of his siblings.

However, he was reminded of it all too vividly a couple of weeks later, when he was spending a Saturday afternoon with his cousin and his younger sister at the lake on the outskirts of the village.

Eustace and Lucy both sat perched on a tree branch overlooking the clear waters of the lake, the two of them looking down into the water's depths with obvious looks of trepidation on their faces.

The lake was a popular place to swim during the summer months, but as it was late April, a lot of the young people from the village were too cautious to take the plunge, fearing that the water would still be too cold at this time of year.

Of course, Edmund just had to be the one to go into the water first, telling himself as he prepared to jump that he was just testing the waters to make sure that everything would be safe for the younger members of his family. Although, in reality, a part of him just wanted to say that he had done it; to say that he had jumped first.

Eustace called out to him, daring Edmund to jump in with his clothes on. Edmund had never backed down from a dare before, so, still fully clothed, and emboldened by the fact that he had an audience of two of his own family members, and also several teenagers who were watching with interest from the other side of the lake, Edmund took a running jump, feeling the typical thrill and rush of adrenaline that came with jumping into the unknown, and then the rush that came with submerging himself into the cold water with a loud splash, before he came up, gasping for air.

After taking a few seconds to readjust to the new temperature, he made sure to grin at Lucy, to let her know that he was all right.

"Well done, Edmund!" Lucy shouted enthusiastically, practically applauding his bravery.

Even Eustace looked mildly impressed.

Edmund was all too happy to provide them with today's entertainment in exchange for their admiration of his bravery.

Trying not to make his shivering, brought on by the cold water, look too obvious, Edmund had just started to raise his arms out of the water in triumph when…

"Edmund!"

He was distracted by the sound of someone shouting his name just at the edge of the lake, the voice sounding angry, insistent, scared, almost.

As his name was called a second time, Edmund turned his head in the direction of the voice.

He blinked in surprise a few times at the sight of Caspian, who was standing on the edge of the lake with his arms folded in what looked like a gesture of disapproval.

"Ed, what do you think you're doing?!" Caspian shouted at him.

Feeling confused, Edmund turned back to look at Lucy and Eustace as he continued to tread water, hoping that they could explain why Caspian was so upset. Lucy shook her head and shrugged, looking just as baffled as Edmund felt.

With a sigh, Edmund swam towards Caspian and reluctantly pulled himself up out of the water. He almost regretted jumping in fully-clothed now; it had seemed like a good idea at the time, but at the moment it felt like every item of wet clothing was weighing him down. Although he didn't think that it was  _completely_  necessary for Caspian to reach down to help him up.

"You're going to catch a cold!" Caspian insisted the second Edmund was out of the water and back on dry land. His expression looked genuinely terrified. "Do you know how dangerous it is, jumping into the cold water like that?"

Edmund couldn't help letting out an exasperated sigh. So  _that_  was what all Caspian's shouting was about.

Edmund was just about to argue with Caspian and insist that he most definitely  _wasn't_ going to catch a cold, when Caspian suddenly stepped even closer to him and started running his hands up and down Edmund's arms, like he was trying to warm him up or something, or like he was making do with this method in the absence of a towel.

Edmund tried to tell himself that the shivers that ran up and down his arms were more to do with feeling cold than the feeling of Caspian's hands on his body.

He was a bit distracted by the fact that Caspian looked even more handsome than usual today, wearing a white T-shirt that seemed to get a little bit more see-through every time Edmund got yet another drop of water on Caspian's clothes, and he was wearing his hair loose of its man-bun today, with the shoulder-length brown locks framing his face in the gentle breeze instead.

He knew that Caspian was only a couple of years older than he was, but at times like these, Edmund felt like Caspian was so much older, so much more mature than him, especially when he was attempting to boss Edmund around, the way Peter used to do.

Edmund had just managed to shrug Caspian's hands away from his arms, angrily insisting that he was fine, and silently starting to question why Caspian seemed to be so concerned for his well-being, when Caspian threw his arm around Edmund's shoulder instead, before he walked him determinedly away from the lake, the gesture seeming far too overprotective-in Edmund's eyes, anyway.

"You need to get indoors!" Caspian continued to insist as he pulled Edmund even closer, his expression still looking both concerned and angry. "Now, Edmund!"

Edmund felt his cheeks starting to flush bright red. He told himself that this blushing was just out of anger. After all, it wasn't like he couldn't swim; he hadn't been in any kind of difficulty; the water wasn't that cold. Besides, he was more than capable of taking responsibility for his own actions. He didn't need to be rescued from the lake like some kind of damsel in distress.

He sighed and rolled his eyes a couple of times before he turned around to share a look of exasperation with his sister and cousin. Lucy simply shrugged at him with a sympathetic expression on her face, but Edmund couldn't help noticing that Lucy and Eustace smirked at each other just before Edmund turned around to look at Caspian again.

"I'm fine," he insisted with another sigh. But he didn't move away from Caspian.

* * *

Of course, much to Edmund's annoyance, Caspian's prediction came true-less than twenty-four hours after jumping into the lake, he actually  _did_  catch a cold.

As he spent a miserable morning lying around on the sofa at his parents' house, feeling desperately sorry for himself, Edmund tried his best to console himself by thinking about how catching a cold was probably  _just_  a coincidence, and most likely had absolutely  _nothing_  to do with the cold water of the lake.

Edmund always came back home when he was feeling unwell, as the living room, with its mismatched cushions, multi-coloured rugs, patchwork quilts and bookshelves stacked all the way up to the ceiling with old books were always something of a comfort to him-a reminder of childhood and familiarity.

Whenever he got sick, the last thing Edmund wanted was pity, and Lucy always seemed to understand this perfectly. So as morning turned into afternoon, Lucy placed a mug of hot tea, a glass of cold water and all the medication and honey and lemon that Edmund could possibly need on a small table next to the sofa, before she left him alone wrapped in his blankets (where he could comfortably wallow in his misery until he felt better), and she went to join Eustace on the other side of the room.

After a few minutes of discussion, Edmund saw Eustace select his choice of film from the options available on the menu on the television screen. This film seemed to be about zombies. Edmund sighed to himself as he tried to take deep breaths through his blocked nose; he worried sometimes about his cousin's increasingly gory taste in films and video games.

For a moment before Eustace made his choice, Edmund had caught his younger sister looking almost longingly at the few films about princes and princesses, kings and queens, available on the screen menu, before she'd shrugged and allowed Eustace to make the final choice, probably to avoid a tantrum more than anything else.

Edmund was hit by a sudden flashback of when he was younger, when Susan would always ask him which story he wanted her to read to him as a bedtime story.

 _"The one with the prince,"_ Edmund would always insist every single time, even though they owned lots of books about princes and Edmund hadn't been very good back then at being specific about things. Edmund had never really cared which book it was though, as long as an heroic prince played a starring role.

Back then, he'd believed he wanted to  _be like_  the princes of his favourite films and books; now, he knew he wanted to be  _with_  them.

As the sound of the zombies on the screen filled the room, Edmund felt a bit sorry for Lucy. He decided that as soon as he was feeling a bit better, he would spend another Saturday afternoon with her, watching a film of her choice.

He was just about to drift off into a light sleep when he heard the sound of another voice in the living room, its tone kind of soothing.

Just as he started to put two and two together and work out that Caspian was in the room, talking with Lucy in hushed tones, Edmund suddenly felt a hand softly brush a couple of stray strands of hair out of his eyes. Before Edmund could sigh or make any sarcastic comments, he opened his eyes in time to see Caspian running his fingers gently over his face, with a look of what could only be described as concern in his eyes.

Edmund turned away from that intense stare, but it didn't stop him from being aware of the fact that Caspian had started to adjust the blankets around him, like he was  _tucking him in_.

"You'll feel better soon, Edmund," he heard Caspian whisper.

"Mmph," was about all that Edmund managed to reply, incoherently.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Eustace scribbling notes in his diary as he glared at the two of them. Edmund  _really_ didn't want to know what his cousin was writing about.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Caspian then asked him, as he went back to stroking Edmund's hair.

"I'm fine," Edmund grumbled, allowing his logical mind to speak for him, even as his traitorous body leaned into Caspian's gentle touches.

* * *

Edmund woke up with a start in the middle of the night, trying to muffle his shouts. As he got his bearings again, he remembered that he'd fallen asleep in his old bed in his old room at home, apparently too tired or too ill to head back to his own flat.

"It was just a nightmare," he told himself firmly, trying to keep quiet.

He had always been prone to nightmares as a child, especially when he wasn't feeling well. Back then, he'd had Peter to comfort him, as Edmund would always run into his older brother's room, searching for somewhere safe to sleep after his bad dreams, and Peter would simply allow Edmund to climb into his bed, never mocking him for it.

Sometimes, Lucy and Susan would hear Edmund running into Peter's room, and they would follow, with the four of them all falling asleep in Peter's bed before waking up in the morning to the sight of their parents standing in the doorway, with hands over their hearts and soft smiles on their faces, like they were all adorable.

"Edmund, are you all right?"

Edmund jumped, his childhood memories quickly evaporating as he turned his head to see Caspian, of all people, standing in the doorway, looking really worried.

 _What are you still doing here?_  Edmund wanted to ask him, even though he knew that something like that would sound a bit rude.

He'd heard Caspian laughing and joking with Lucy and his mother after he went up to bed, but he'd assumed that Caspian had left hours ago.

"I'm fine," he chose to say instead, hoping he sounded convincing, "just a nightmare…"

Caspian didn't look very convinced. He shuffled from one foot to the other for a moment or two, looking a bit uncomfortable, or like he was trying to make a decision about something.

"Ed, do you want me to stay with you? Just for a little while?" Caspian offered. Even in the darkness, his cheeks looked rather flushed, and he seemed to be taking deep breaths. Edmund wondered if maybe  _Caspian_  was feeling ill, too.

Edmund was just about to say no, thanks, or insist all over again that he was fine, that he wasn't a child and he didn't need to be protected from bad dreams anymore, but he supposed he must have been feeling especially drowsy tonight, or disorientated, or maybe he'd just consumed too much honey and lemon, because he found himself simply shrugging and nodding.

Before he could have second thoughts, Caspian was walking towards the bed and getting in. He kept his distance from Edmund in the bed, but he was close enough to cause Edmund's heart to start pounding against his chest.

Edmund tried to tell himself that he was being an idiot for feeling so nervous. He knew that this was nothing special for Caspian-he'd heard Caspian laughing and joking with Peter before now, telling him about how he liked to cuddle; how it made him feel better to have people sleep close to him at night; how he'd woken up in the morning many a time since he'd started at university to discover that he'd fallen asleep next to various fellow students.

However, Caspian's presence must have offered some sort of comfort to him, as well, because Edmund drifted off to sleep only a few minutes later…

Much to Edmund's embarrassment, he woke up after only about an hour to find that he had changed his sleeping position at some point, because he was now cuddled up close to Caspian, practically nuzzling his nose into Caspian's neck while Caspian held him almost protectively in his arms.

He couldn't believe he'd moved close to Caspian like that-before tonight, Edmund hadn't cuddled with anyone for  _years_.

Edmund was just making plans to move out of Caspian's embrace as quickly and as subtly as possible, when, to Edmund's horror, Caspian suddenly opened his eyes and looked down at Edmund with an almost fond grin on his face.

"Are you comfortable?" Caspian asked him with a smirk, using the almost-mocking expression he seemed to resort to sometimes; the expression that always convinced Edmund that secretly, Caspian was nowhere near as pure or as noble or as innocent as most of the little old ladies in the village seemed to think he was.

"Shut up and go to sleep!" Edmund snapped at him in barely more than a whisper, trying hard not to blush.

The annoying thing was, he really  _was_  comfortable. It was soothing, being held by Caspian like this. He liked being so close to him, one reason for this being that Caspian smelled really good. Edmund was vaguely reminded of ocean breezes, and beaches, and forests, before he silently told himself he was just delirious from his cold. Deep down though, he knew that he would probably  _like_  cuddling with Caspian again at night, if the opportunity arose, maybe even every night...

He couldn't help letting out a groan as Caspian closed his eyes. As pleasant as this felt, he would never live the moment down; he would never be able to convince Caspian now that he was a mature adult who didn't need anyone to take care of him.

"By the way, Caspian, we are  _never_  talking about this again," Edmund whispered against Caspian's neck.

Caspian simply smiled, his eyes still closed.

* * *

Edmund had been hoping against hope that Caspian would stop the overprotective-older-brother-act as soon as he got over his cold and started to feel better, but he had no such luck.

The following Friday evening, Edmund arrived at his parents' house after work, and he followed the delicious smell of baking coming from the direction of the kitchen.

As always, the kitchen looked like something out of some sort of Country Living magazine, with wooden floors and surfaces, old-fashioned china and cutlery, floral tea towels and stacks of pots and pans and recipe books piled up all over the place.

Edmund stepped right into the room and saw Caspian, helping Lucy and Eustace make several kinds of dessert. Edmund had to admit, if only to himself, that Caspian looked a little bit adorable, with flour on his cheeks and melted chocolate on his blue T-shirt, but Edmund really didn't want to think about how adorable Caspian looked right now.

After he nodded at the three of them in greeting, ignoring the way that Caspian smiled gently at him as he walked into the room, Edmund was just about to attempt to walk around them, so he could find some food in the fridge and then go and hide away in the background, when Caspian suddenly moved to stand in front of him, holding a fork with a chocolate-covered strawberry on the end of it.

"Ed, try this!" he grinned at him as he held out the chocolate-covered strawberry to Edmund with a look of enthusiasm on his face, like the strawberry was the most delicious food there ever was.

Edmund frowned at the strawberry for a moment or two. Surely Caspian wasn't actually going to attempt to feed it to him?

Before Caspian could get any ideas along those lines, Edmund hurriedly removed the strawberry from the fork with his fingers and put it in his mouth. He was an adult, and more than capable of feeding himself.

Caspian frowned for a moment, almost like he was disappointed about something, but then he simply shrugged and said, "It's delicious, isn't it?"

Edmund shrugged in return, ignoring a pointed glare from Lucy that seemed to suggest he was possibly being rude, before he walked over to the fridge, only looking back at the others from behind the fridge door every now and again to see what they were doing, and telling himself that he was too old to join in with all cake-making-fun like Lucy and Eustace, mainly because he didn't want Caspian to think that he was even more immature than he already seemed to think he was.

Caspian seemed to be so busy staring back at him that he apparently hadn't noticed that Eustace was stealing pieces of chocolate from the desserts on display on the kitchen table and stuffing them into his mouth.

* * *

The next morning, Edmund sighed to himself as he stood in the middle of the family living room, adjusting the buttons on his shirt for what felt like the tenth time, trying and failing to get ready for the village fete that would be taking place in the afternoon.

It didn't help that the traditional outfits typically worn by the villagers who were attending the fete were always so old-fashioned; it seemed like they were some kind of tribute to ancestors from previous generations who had grown up in the village, or something.

Sometimes, it felt like the whole village was still living in the past. They even awarded some sort of crown every year to whoever was voted as the 'Village Princess' at the fete.

 _"It's nothing more than a sexist beauty contest!"_  Edmund always used to insist, as soon as he started to develop really strong opinions about everything. Unfortunately, Susan would always laugh at his moral opposition to the contest, which wasn't really surprising-before she left for America, she'd won the crown every single year.

Edmund wasn't exactly very good at dealing with the more complicated buttons and zips on his modern clothes, let alone those on this old-fashioned outfit, where all the details seemed even more intricate than usual. He was struggling with the buttons all over again when Caspian suddenly walked through the front door, calling out to see if anyone was home.

"In here," Edmund sighed.

Caspian pushed open the double doors leading to the living room and walked in as though he owned the place.

Edmund was about to make some sort of sarcastic comment, but then he remembered how fond of Caspian his parents were; how they invited him to every party and even just sat and drank tea with him when they had afternoons off. And Eustace's parents always insisted that they couldn't have asked for a better babysitter for their son, as Caspian was apparently one of the few people who could talk Eustace out of a tantrum.

Even Eustace had taken to writing insulting entries about Caspian in his diary recently. To the outside observer, perhaps this wouldn't seem like a positive thing, but Edmund knew better-an entry in Eustace's diary always meant that Eustace was actually rather fond of the person.

Before Edmund could think of something polite to say to make conversation, Caspian was suddenly walking determinedly towards him.

For a moment, Edmund thought that was Caspian was going to hug him, but then his hands were on Edmund's shirt, and he was fixing some of the buttons, and pulling the fabric straighter, like he was trying to smooth out the creases, and Edmund realised with a brief flash of what felt like horror that Caspian was helping him to adjust his clothes, to make him look smarter for the fete.

It was almost like Edmund was some kind of child who didn't know how to dress himself.

The worst part was that it didn't even feel that bad, to have Caspian's hands running over the fabric of his shirt.

Caspian suddenly stopped and took a step back from him. "Much better," he said proudly with a nod, a smile creeping to his face as he looked Edmund in the eye.

As Caspian smiled at him, Edmund couldn't help secretly wondering what it would be like if Caspian were  _un_ dressing him, instead, but then he blushed and quickly shook off that thought, telling himself that he wasn't allowed to think that way.

It was all the more confusing that Caspian was still watching him with a hopeful expression, like he was waiting for Edmund to say something.

"Yes…er…I think we ought to get going," Edmund mumbled to fill the silence, probably sounding like an idiot.

* * *

Edmund walked in the direction of the village square with Caspian and Lucy, and also Eustace, who seemed to be tagging along behind them all with a sulky expression on his face while his parents kept an eye on him from a distance.

On their way, they walked past all the cottages with their thatched roofs, the fields with all their flowers, the farms, and the old train station where the steam trains used to pass through which was now a tourist attraction, and also the old post office with its red letterboxes outside, and even the red telephone booth that nobody used anymore, built by the side of the main road that led out of the village.

Everything was exactly the same, as always.

Edmund often thought about leaving, of just heading to London one day and staying there, or going off on an adventure abroad like Susan, or even just going to live in another part of the country, like Peter, but lately, it felt like something was holding him back, keeping him here.

As they walked, Caspian went on and on about how he considered the Pevensies to be his family now: "Like the siblings I never had…mostly," he continued, while Lucy smiled at him, looking genuinely moved by his little speech.

Edmund frowned a little. He wasn't sure what the 'mostly' part of that sentence was supposed to mean. But then he told himself he didn't care. He moved a few steps ahead of the others, pretending he was leading the way for them all.

"Even you, Eustace," Caspian added on to his speech, as he looked over his shoulder with a grin and a wink.

Surprisingly, Eustace sort-of grinned back, in response to Caspian's joke.

Edmund was the only one who wasn't smiling. Honestly, every time Caspian used the word 'sibling', he felt a painful twist in his gut. He already  _had_  an older brother, and he definitely didn't need another one.

He wanted Caspian in his life, but  _not_  as a brother…

* * *

The village fete was the same as it was every year-there was music, and dancing, and games, and food and drink, and even a raffle, which Edmund's mother seemed to be thrilled about, like this was something really exciting.

Edmund went through the motions of visiting the stalls and talking to his friends and neighbours, but what he was really looking forward to was the mock-sword-fighting that was a traditional part of the event. Since Peter went away to Oxford, Edmund had won the competition every single time.

However, this year he had the misfortune of going against Caspian in the final rounds. If Edmund had thought that polite, charming Caspian would be easy competition, then he'd thought wrong. Caspian was a skilled fighter with his plastic sword, anticipating Edmund's every move, and blocking him almost every time before he struck swift blows of his own. At one point, he smiled briefly at Edmund, and Edmund lost all focus, which enabled Caspian to go in for the final strike, winning the competition.

Edmund stood still as though in shock for a couple of seconds as Caspian acknowledged his audience by taking a bow. Then the shock turned to irritation.

Even Caspian's reassuring hand on his shoulder wasn't enough to pacify him. He felt the anger that always came with losing surge through his body, and he was just about to make a few scathing comments and maybe insist that it hadn't been a fair fight (surely it broke the rules, to have an opponent who was so attractive?), when he caught sight of Eustace out of the corner of his eye, standing by one of the games stands with his hands balled into fists.

"I wanted to win a prize!" he heard his cousin shout before he started to stamp his feet. His face had gone bright red, the way it always did when Eustace was about to throw a tantrum.

Edmund quickly felt the anger leave his body. He didn't want to act like Eustace, not now that he was older and he'd told himself that he'd grown out of all of that behaviour.

It wasn't as though these fights with plastic swords at the village fete even mattered, anyway. Edmund cared a lot more about winning the village football matches, or being the brave one who jumped into the lake first every spring. He wasn't a child, or a coward.

So, instead of getting annoyed, Edmund shook Caspian's hand, offered his congratulations and went to join Eustace, vowing to play some of the games and win a few prizes on his cousin's behalf to try to calm him down.

Unfortunately, Caspian seemed to be thinking along the same lines, because he also went to play some of the games at the nearby stands. A crowd of girls quickly gathered around, applauding enthusiastically every time Caspian scored more points.

A few of the girls even seemed to throw hopeful glances in Edmund's direction, like they were expecting him to win prizes for them.

Before he moved to Oxford, Peter always seemed to go on dates with the prettiest girls in the village, and it seemed like Edmund was expected to simply follow in his older brother's footsteps. Edmund couldn't help grinning to himself. He definitely wasn't interested in dating the prettiest girls in the village. But then his grin faded as he thought about how the only person here who he really wouldn't mind dating only thought of him as a brother.

When Caspian won his final prize-a box of Turkish Delight (in what looked like a heart-shaped box, for some reason-perhaps the local shopkeepers were feeling particularly sentimental this week), a few of the girls looked at Caspian almost hopefully, like they wished he would share his hard-earned prize with them, but, much to Edmund's surprise, just as he was about to walk away and go and find Lucy, Caspian suddenly walked over to him.

"Edmund," he said with a half-grin and a strangely intense look in his eyes as he handed the box over to Edmund, before he hurried off in the opposite direction, like he was suddenly in a rush to get away.

Again, Edmund felt a little irritated. He wondered if Caspian was giving him the Turkish Delight as some sort of consolation prize, because Edmund had lost the sword fight, and because he thought that Edmund was too young or too incapable to win something for himself.

Ignoring the glares of some of the girls who had been watching this turn of events (honestly, Edmund had no idea what they were so upset about), he walked away from the centre of the village square.

He went and sat in a dark corner, unable to resist trying a few pieces of Turkish Delight.

After a few minutes, Eustace sat down next to him, helping himself to handfuls of the Turkish Delight without asking before Edmund could even offer him any.

* * *

As the evening turned into night, Edmund had just started to walk away from the fete when he caught sight of Lucy, running towards him with a big grin on her face.

"Edmund, look!" she shouted as soon as she approached him, sounding a bit out of breath, but also genuinely happy. With another grin, she held up something sparkly so Edmund could see it.

After a couple of seconds of blinking rapidly in the face of the sparkly object, Edmund worked out what it was. A tiara.

"Lucy, congratulations!" said Edmund with a grin, instantly giving her a big hug.

For all of his negative comments about the 'Village Princess' competition, he was genuinely happy for his younger sister. He'd always spotted her staring over at the crowns with a wistful expression on her face whenever the competition took place, but she'd never once considered entering, even though both Edmund and Peter had always told her to at least try, if it was what she wanted. Before Susan left, Lucy had never been brave enough to go up against her sister in the competition.

Feeling in good spirits at the news of his sister's victory, Edmund decided to just let go and have fun and be silly with her for a little while. He tried on her tiara and kept it on his head as they walked through the streets, laughing together.

However, the happy moment was soon interrupted when Caspian walked past them with a bottle of beer in his hand, looking a little tipsy.

He caught sight of Edmund and stopped and stared at him for a few moments, before what definitely looked like a smirk (or maybe it was even a sneer, Edmund wasn't sure) crept to his face.

" _I_  could be your prince, Edmund!" he suddenly shouted out as Edmund went to walk past him.

Edmund froze on the spot at Caspian's words. He felt raw, exposed, almost like Caspian had somehow found out about Edmund's childhood fondness for the princes in his favourite stories (as unlikely as this idea seemed), and now he was perhaps mocking him for it.

He almost wished that Caspian didn't look so stunningly handsome right now, with the fabric of his old-fashioned shirt hanging loose, and most of the buttons left unfastened in his carefree, tipsy state, leaving some of his tanned chest and torso on display. He almost looked like one of the princes from Edmund's favourite stories, ironically.

As always when Edmund was feeling embarrassed, the feeling of anger rapidly set in. He quickly turned around and started to walk towards Caspian, ready to start an argument. However, Lucy hurriedly grabbed hold of his arm, effectively blocking his way.

"Edmund!" she hissed, looking at him with a stern expression, warning him not to start anything.

Taking in the expression on her face, Edmund started to think about how Lucy wasn't a child anymore. She was definitely growing up. He wasn't sure how he felt about that.

With a sigh, Edmund ignored Caspian and carried on walking, now more than ready to go back home.

He handed the tiara back to Lucy, no longer in the mood to laugh and joke with her.

"You know, Edmund," Lucy muttered to him as she continued to walk by his side, "Caspian really cares about you. Maybe you should try to be a bit nicer to him?"

Edmund simply shrugged while Lucy rolled her eyes at his stubbornness. 


	2. Chapter 2

For all his stubbornness when Lucy first made the suggestion, Edmund  _did_ try, for the next couple of weeks, to be a bit 'nicer' to Caspian. He was friendly whenever Caspian showed up for a visit, and he always attempted to engage him in their typical topics of conversation about literature, history and politics, and day-to-day life in the village-the few conversations where Edmund actually felt like he was on equal footing with Caspian.

He even listened quietly and patiently while Caspian went on and on about the subtext and the themes of all the latest books he was reading, and also when Caspian tried to explain the story lines, plot twists and family trees of all the television shows that the two of them always seemed to end up watching together, long after Lucy and Eustace fell asleep.

Although he would probably never admit it out loud, Edmund did feel a bit guilty about coming across as rude to Caspian (if Lucy was right and this was indeed how his behaviour had been perceived). He  _liked_  Caspian's eternal optimism and his bright smiles, he truly did; he would almost have found Caspian's behaviour endearing, if the circumstances had been slightly different.

And, most of the time, Edmund genuinely enjoyed spending time with Caspian. He always felt somehow reassured whenever he was somewhere close by, and he was often perfectly happy to listen while Caspian went on about his typical day to day concerns (usually while Edmund leaned casually against the balcony of his flat, and Caspian paced up and down his living room as he talked), with Caspian's most recent challenges apparently being the module he was studying in children's literature at university, his father's hospital appointments, and his hilarious interactions with the elderly ladies in the village.

Usually, Edmund just liked hearing the sound of Caspian's voice. So, it wasn't as though it were any great burden, to make more of an effort with Caspian.

Unfortunately however, Edmund's attempts at being more pleasant meant that he had to endure even more of Caspian's attempts to act like an overprotective older brother whenever he was around him…

Caspian started to help him adjust his hair and clothes on a regular basis, like this was some sort of 'thing' between the two of them now; he always threw an arm over Edmund's shoulder when they were all out walking at night, like he was protecting Edmund from the dark or something; and he'd even started to offer to make tea for Edmund whenever he came around to visit, asking Edmund as he did so if everything was all right, or if he'd had a long day, almost as though Edmund looked absolutely exhausted on a daily basis, or like Caspian was waiting for Edmund to confide in him about something.

Edmund had always been more of a grab-a-quick-coffee kind of person, but for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to refuse Caspian's offers of cups of tea, even if this meant that Caspian often attempted to run his hands up and down Edmund's back while Edmund took tentative sips from his cup, as though Caspian were trying to ease his worries about something-although Edmund wasn't even sure what that 'something' was supposed to be.

Yet all of Caspian's gestures only served to confuse Edmund even further, only _increasing_ his worries.

* * *

There were also the usual typically awkward moments between the two of them, like when Lucy was telling Edmund one afternoon about how she'd visited one of the local village tea shops with her friends for afternoon tea, complete with fancy plates and pink table cloths, and in response, Edmund started joking around with her, saying sarcastically: "Well, Luce, I for one am  _very_  jealous about missing out on this afternoon tea…"

Edmund and Lucy were interrupted in their laughing and joking however when Caspian suddenly cut into the conversation, insisting that he and Edmund could go to the same tea shop together at some point, if he wanted.

That same evening, Edmund had to endure Caspian gripping tightly onto his shirt as he perched on a tiny rock and leaned into the village duck pond to retrieve Eustace's football from the cold water (of course, this occurred just after Edmund had attempted to tell Eustace  _not_  to play football so close to the pond, as the ball was bound to fall into the water, and Eustace had simply kicked the ball even harder in defiance of Edmund's orders, only to burst into furious tears when Edmund's prediction came true and the ball actually  _did_  plummet into the pond, scaring all the ducks away). It was as though Caspian genuinely believed that Edmund were in danger of drowning in the shallow pond water, and he therefore had to hold on to him in order to to prevent Edmund from falling in.

Then, a couple of days later, as they were walking home from the local supermarket together, Caspian started telling Edmund about how he was going to go with his father and his father's new girlfriend to spend a weekend in Oxford, in the hope that the break would do his father's health some good.

Apparently, Peter was already frantically texting him, arranging for the two of them to meet up.

Edmund only made a casual comment about how that sounded nice, and suddenly Caspian had extended the invitation to him: "You can come with us, if you want? Peter would want to see you, and you and I could share a room…"

Quickly, Edmund politely declined. He could think of nothing more tedious than being treated like a younger brother by both Caspian  _and_  Peter at the same time in Oxford, and nothing more awkward than sharing a room with Caspian for a whole weekend…

Edmund was so distracted thinking about sharing a room with Caspian that he went to cross the road without looking where he was going, only to be stopped by Caspian holding out his arm in front of him as a car came racing past them, the way Edmund always acted with Eustace when his cousin tried to run out into the road without looking; and then, as though he needed to look like an even bigger idiot, Edmund stumbled a little as he tried to take a step back, meaning that Caspian had to catch him and help him back up.

As he flushed angrily, wishing that he hadn't made such a fool of himself, Edmund also couldn't help thinking about how it felt sort of nice, to be held so tight by Caspian, especially as Caspian didn't seem to be in any hurry to let go of him, for some reason.

* * *

In a desperate attempt to ignore, or temporarily forget, the confusing feelings about Caspian that seemed to plague him on a daily basis, Edmund had a bit too much to drink the next time he visited the local village pub with a group of his friends.

What had started out as 'a quiet evening of drinks' on a Friday night (consisting of a plan to enjoy a couple of beers in the pub's garden), had somehow turned into Edmund staggering home, past the church and the duck pond and up the cobbled streets, his vision a bit blurry as he shouted things out along the way about how he was a grown-up now and independent, while a few elderly couples gave him strange looks as he passed them, all of them muttering unpleasant words about drunken youths.

He'd been planning on heading back to his own flat on the outskirts of the village, but somehow, Edmund ended up back at his parents' house.

He wasn't sure exactly what happened, but one minute, he was standing with his spare key in his hand, about to unlock the front door as he swayed on the spot, and the next, he was lying on the floor, on top of the doormat, hearing a loud thud that suggested that something else had fallen to the floor next to him, almost like he'd taken some sort of object down with him on his way to the ground. In his drunken state, Edmund really hoped it wasn't the wind chimes that usually hung above the door outside. His mother really loved those wind chimes…

He was just contemplating remaining on the ground all night, feeling sorry for himself, when the front door suddenly opened.

"Edmund!" he heard Lucy gasp as she ran out to him. She knelt down next to him and placed her hand over his forehead, probably checking that he was all right.

"You don't need another older brother, Luce," Edmund started to babble in his drunken state. "You already have me and Peter to annoy you…"

Edmund didn't know what he was even saying, he really didn't, which could only explain why he then followed this sentence by asking in a mournful tone: "Lucy, why does Caspian have to be so handsome?" He felt a strange rush of sadness as he said this, and he hoped it was just the alcohol talking.

He was such a lightweight, and he knew it. He was sure he'd only had one or two pints of beer.

Lucy chose to ignore him. Apparently, there were more pressing matters to worry about. "Edmund, we need to get you inside!" she insisted, sounding so grown up, and reminding Edmund all over again that she wasn't a child anymore.

"Can't stand up yet…too drunk, Lucy," Edmund slurred in response as he managed to pull himself up into a seated position, sounding nowhere near as mature as his younger sister.

Lucy made a few attempts to help him stand, but she had no luck.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Edmund heard a male voice say, "Don't worry, I've got him!"

Before he could look up, he felt a pair hands lift him up from the floor, and then he was being held in strong arms, carried over the door's threshold  _bridal-style_  by…

"Caspian…" Edmund said lamely as he realised who he was currently being carried by.

What was Caspian even doing here? Had he stayed late to help babysit Eustace while their cousin stayed over at the Pevenises' house yet again? Or had he been out drinking with his own friends, and he'd simply spotted Edmund on the floor as he walked past on his way home?

In spite of his drunkenness, Edmund felt a rush of irritation. He definitely wasn't thrilled about the fact that Caspian had been able to lift him off the ground and carry him so easily; it made Edmund feel small, weak, delicate…

Edmund often spent hours at the gym, or out running in the village, or swimming lengths in the lake precisely because he wanted to  _avoid_  feeling small and delicate. He'd proven his strength in so many fights over the years, defending his siblings from one bully or the other, but now he felt weak all over again. He felt vulnerable. More vulnerable than he had felt in years.

He also didn't like the undeniable fact that Caspian had come to his rescue yet again, doing something similar to what Peter no doubt would have done, if he'd been here.

He especially didn't like that it felt so  _right_ , being held in Caspian's arms like this.

" _Caspian_ …"

As he mumbled Caspian's name again, Edmund wasn't sure whether the word came out as a groan, or as a soft sigh…

* * *

Feeling rather mortified by his drunken behaviour, Edmund spent the next week avoiding Caspian completely.

He went out of his way not to go to his parents' house, or Eustace's parents' house-whenever he was sure that Caspian would be there anyway-and he always turned and walked in the opposite direction whenever he saw Caspian in the village.

He'd thought he'd just about got his emotions under control, until he was talking to Susan the following Friday evening on his phone, her expression looking almost quizzical while he spoke to her through his phone screen; it was as though she had something important to ask him.

"Come on, Edmund," she suddenly interrupted him after a few minutes of small talk. Edmund saw her sigh on the screen, looking exasperated. "Who is it that you fancy?"

Trying his best not to blush, Edmund managed to side-step the question by insisting that he didn't fancy anybody, before he attempted to ask her about her own love life in America.

He'd just started to think that he'd got away with it, when Susan suddenly raised an eyebrow and randomly asked him, "Caspian's very handsome, isn't he?"

Feeling flustered all over again, Edmund couldn't end the call quickly enough.

As he continued to hold the phone in his shaking hands, staring at the now-blank screen, Edmund wasn't sure what was upsetting him the most-the fact that Susan seemed to think that Caspian was handsome…or the fact that she probably knew that  _Edmund_  thought that Caspian was handsome.

* * *

Of course, Edmund couldn't avoid Caspian forever.

On Saturday afternoon, less than twenty-four hours after his conversation with Susan, he walked into his parents' living room, deciding that he was going to spend some quality time relaxing at the family home.

As soon as he walked into the room, he noticed that the television screen was set to 'pause', and Eustace's diary was lying open on the floor. With a sigh, Edmund briefly wondered why Eustace couldn't simply take to blogging and annoying people on the Internet, the way that most boys his age seemed to do now, instead of annoying everyone around him with insulting diary entries.

Edmund's eyes were drawn to a sentence at the top of the open page of the diary, written in Eustace's oddly formal handwriting…

_Edmund is too busy making heart-eyes at Caspian to notice much else…_

And then, as though to illustrate his point, Eustace had sketched a picture of Edmund with  _literal hearts for eyes_ , with those eyes focused on a picture of Caspian, who Eustace had also 'conveniently' sketched onto the page.

Edmund knew that his face must have gone bright red as he looked at the words and the picture in horror, and he even felt a little breathless, like he was starting to panic.

Was it  _that_  obvious? Surely it must be, if even  _Eustace_  could see it? Did  _everybody_  know how he felt? Could they see it written all over his face? In his eyes? Did  _Caspian_  know? Did Caspian secretly laugh about it behind his back? Did Caspian just see him as a love-sick teenager with a pathetic unrequited crush?

In a sudden rush of anger, Edmund was tempted to tear the page right out of the book, but he stopped himself, deciding that this response would be too petty. Eustace was just a boy, after all, and his diary was one of his treasured possessions.

Instead, he settled for slamming the book shut and kicking it under the nearest sofa. Of course, this was the moment when Caspian walked right into the room, apparently here for a visit today, too.

He'd just started to tell Edmund about how much he'd missed seeing him around the village over the past week, but then he seemed to find something more important to worry about…

"Edmund, are you all right?" he asked as he stopped in his tracks, looking Edmund up and down with an expression of concern on his face.

Edmund silently cursed his discovery of Eustace's diary entry, and the timing of it. He probably looked very flustered right now after what he'd just seen on the page.

It didn't help that Caspian looked as handsome as ever today, wearing a white T-shirt in contrast to Edmund's black one, his skin looking tanned, as though he'd just spent a relaxing morning out in the sun. Sometimes, Edmund wondered if Caspian had any idea just how much of an effect he had on him; he wondered if Caspian ever saw past Edmund's self-imposed barriers of frowns and scowls and sarcastic comments; he wondered if he knew how much Edmund secretly wanted to hold Caspian close and run his hands through his hair…

Edmund sat down slowly on the sofa, desperately trying to compose himself and keep these thoughts under control. He took a few deep breaths, as though this would actually help.

"I'm fine," he insisted. Then, in what had to be the most unconvincing lie he'd ever told, he gestured vaguely in the direction of the television screen, where Eustace had left the film on pause. "I just really hate this film," he muttered, not even bothering to check what film it actually was and instead shrugging almost casually, hoping that this excuse sounded convincing enough to explain his current state of distress.

Caspian looked quickly at the television screen, and an annoyingly sympathetic look crossed his face.

In response to the expression on Caspian's face, Edmund also looked at the screen properly. As he did so, he felt like blushing all over again. Apparently, Eustace had been watching some sort of low-budget horror film, complete with very unrealistic-looking monsters.

"Don't worry, Ed," Caspian told him as he sat down next to him on the sofa, sitting a bit too close for Edmund's comfort. Caspian's soft tone of voice only served to confirm Edmund's fears that he really believed the 'horror film' (which was clearly aimed at young people who were around Eustace's age) was making Edmund feel so nervous. "I'll protect you…"

Before Edmund could attempt to explain himself or try to laugh off the notion that he was afraid of one of Eustace's awful films, Caspian put his arm around Edmund's shoulder.

Apparently, that was the last straw.

"Stop!" Edmund heard himself shout out as he shrugged off Caspian's arm and jumped up angrily to his feet.

Caspian's eyes widened in what must have been surprise at Edmund's reaction. But now that he had got started, Edmund wasn't sure he could stop. "First Peter, now you," he practically snarled, ignoring the look of bewilderment on Caspian's face.

"I am  _not_  a child," Edmund continued, his heart beating fast, the anger flowing through his body, the words leaving his lips before his mind could even process them, with months (or maybe even years) of repressed anger and insecurity finally coming out. "I don't need you, or Peter, to protect me and boss me around. I can take care of myself! Believe me, Caspian, the  _last_  thing I need is someone else to try and act like an overprotective older brother!"

Edmund took several deep breaths as he finished shouting, trying to calm himself down while he waited for some sort of response.

For a few moments, a heavy, uncomfortable silence descended on the room, and the seconds seemed to tick by at an unnaturally slow pace.

Finally, Caspian got to his feet, his movements slow and careful, and he took several tentative steps towards Edmund.

Edmund looked up nervously as he approached, now starting to feel a bit ashamed about his outburst.

Then, to Edmund's total and utter shock, Caspian actually smiled. Like he found everything that Edmund had just said hilarious, or like he wasn't taking Edmund's anger seriously.

Edmund glared at Caspian as he smirked, feeling his heartbeat start to pick up its pace again in his anger.

Caspian seemed to get the hint, because his expression became more serious as he sighed and said, "Edmund," in barely more than a whisper, stepping even closer.

Although he still felt confused by Caspian's reaction, Edmund made no effort to move away from him.

Caspian put his hand on Edmund's shoulder, like he was trying to offer him reassurance. He looked right into Edmund's eyes. "Edmund," he repeated with a soft smile, a knowing look in his eye and his tone of voice suggesting that he was about to say something that should already be obvious, "I'm not  _trying_ to be your brother…I'm trying to be your  _lover._ "

For some reason, Caspian blushed a little as he finished his sentence.

At first, Edmund rolled his eyes in exasperation, thinking about how only Shakespeare-loving Caspian would use a word like 'lover' in every day conversation, but then the realisation of what Caspian had just said finally hit him. His eyes slowly widened in shock, and his heart started to beat fast, making the process of breathing normally a bit difficult.

Caspian was looking away from him now, still blushing.

"You're trying to be  _what_?" Edmund asked, knowing that this wasn't exactly an eloquent response, and knowing that he probably looked and sounded rather confused by this turn of events. But he couldn't help it. He really  _was_  confused. He was still in a state of shock, too, and he felt like he'd just waded into  _very_  unfamiliar territory.

He also couldn't help the usual frown that crept to his face.

"I…I always thought it was rather obvious," Caspian muttered, no longer sounding as confident or as sure of himself as he'd sounded a few minutes ago. "Ed, if I'd thought for a moment that you believed I was simply trying to take Peter's place…"

Edmund shook his head, not really knowing what to do, what to say, how to process all of this. He'd never even considered the  _possibility_  that Caspian thought of him in a romantic sense.

"But…why?" he couldn't help asking, as all of his doubts and insecurities that he always tried to keep hidden pushed their way up to the surface. People always wanted Susan, or Peter, not him.

"You're so kind, and generous, not to mention brave, and handsome," said Caspian with a half-smile as he continued to look away every few seconds, like he was still struggling to find the courage to look Edmund in the eye. "Sometimes, I feel like I could sit and talk to you or listen to you or even  _look_  at you for  _hours_. Right from the start, I found myself wishing I could be as brave as you, and then I started hoping I could be  _with_  you; I hoped there could be  _something_  between us. Ed, at times, I tell myself you might feel the same way, but at other times, it seems like you can't stand to be around me for any length of time. Not to mention that you always seem to go out of your way to disagree with everything I say," he finished with a roll of his eyes and what looked like an attempt at an exasperated grin.

Edmund simply shrugged at that, unsure as to whether he was supposed to be apologising. He'd always enjoyed a good debate or argument, and he'd never really believed in simply agreeing with everything people said in order to win them over. However, this had never meant that he  _disliked_  the person he was disagreeing with. In fact, Edmund only really bothered to engage in arguments with the people he really  _cared_  about, as strange as that may sound to some.

After a soft sigh, Caspian continued, "Ed, you're so independent…sometimes, it seems like you don't need  _anybody_. I just wanted to find a way to  _somehow_  be useful to you; to somehow be worthy of your attention. And Lucy insisted that you would hate romantic gestures like flowers and love poems…"

Edmund felt a brief rush of relief that Lucy had managed to talk Caspian out of any over-the-top romantic gestures. He'd always hated anything like that. But then he quickly felt a blush creep to his face as he started to put two and two together in his mind and worked out that his  _younger sister_  must have been advising Caspian on how to go about all this…which meant that  _Lucy_  must already know about Caspian's feelings.

Had Lucy been hinting at that when she told him to be nicer to Caspian? Edmund wasn't really sure. He didn't feel sure of  _anything_  at the moment.

"So I tried to let you know how I felt through other gestures. Sometimes they were intentional, and other times…well, it's natural to want to care for and protect the ones we lo-…the ones we're very fond of."

Caspian blushed all over again as he finished his sentence, a sudden look of panic on his face as though he'd just revealed too much.

Edmund continued to stare at him with his eyes wide. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times as he thought of something to say.

Caspian spoke again: "I'm sorry, if it came across like I was being over-protective…"

"But, Caspian, you always talked about all of us as though you considered us to be your siblings…" Edmund eventually decided to say, even though he knew this was a strange thing to talk about right now.

"I won't deny that I've come to consider you all as the extended family I never had," Caspian insisted, "but with you, Ed, it's different. I think of you as my…"

Caspian stopped speaking before he concluded his sentence, almost as though he couldn't quite put into words how he felt, couldn't yet define what his relationship to Edmund was.

"Me too," Edmund responded before he could really think about what he wanted to say next.

He was still in a bit of a state of shock; he still didn't know how to fully understand the situation. Not to mention that he now felt terribly guilty about his outburst a few minutes ago…

His sense of shame increased as he thought about how the person Caspian cared about the most-his father, lived with uncertainty and vulnerability on a daily basis due to his illness; perhaps this was where Caspian's over-protective nature had come from.

He also knew that they still had things to talk about, and more than ever, the past few minutes had reminded Edmund that he _still_  had to deal with a few of his own insecurities that stemmed from his fears and his doubts about his abilities, and his place in his family and his jealousy of his older siblings-insecurities that had almost cost him his bond with Caspian; but right now, all he cared about was making sure that he and Caspian were both on the same page.

Caspian looked right into Edmund's eyes again, his own eyes dark, intense, like he was trying to read Edmund's thoughts.

"However," Edmund hurriedly added as he shifted from one foot to the other, starting to feel even more nervous, "if  _I_  wanted to be someone's lover," (he cringed as he said the word 'lover' out loud) "I'd probably just kiss them…"

For all the times that Edmund Pevensie had been brave in the past, this felt like one of the bravest things he'd ever said.

Yet a kiss did seem like the most logical thing to do at the moment. Edmund always preferred it when those who he fancied were clear and direct with him-he'd never been fond of discreet hints and double meanings and the art of subtle flirting that Susan seemed to enjoy when she was in the early stages of  _her_  relationships.

Not that Edmund had very much experience with all of that in the first place, but if Caspian really did want the two of them to act like lovers, then Edmund would rather just get on with it and jump into the kissing as soon as possible...

Caspian's eyes widened momentarily as soon as Edmund used the word 'kiss', but then he was moving close to Edmund again, getting right into his space, running a hand up and down his arm, placing his other hand on Edmund's back.

"Yes?" Caspian asked him as their lips almost touched.

"Yeah," Edmund confirmed, briefly feeling a rush of irritation as he thought about how Caspian just  _had_  to be a bit taller than him.

"Good," Caspian whispered, and then Caspian was kissing him, and all rational thought flew right out of the window.

At first, the kiss was tentative, sweet, their lips only connecting gently, and Edmund was somehow reminded of all the sweet-tasting food he secretly enjoyed eating. He felt comforted, protected, taken care of, especially when Caspian pulled him in even closer, so that Edmund's body was now pressed right up against his as he held him tight.

Then, as though an invisible wall of tension had suddenly fallen down, they both parted their lips, and the kiss quickly deepened, while their movements became more intense, more frantic, and Edmund felt a rush of adrenaline, a thrill of exhilaration. As he got lost in the kiss, he felt like he was jumping into a lake, running through forests or across sandy shores, or sailing a ship on the ocean, off on an adventure.

His heart was racing, and he felt happy, free, and like he wanted to feel this way over and over again. He'd never been kissed like this before; he'd never felt a rush of passion similar to the one that all his favourite stories always seemed to go on about.

He gave as good as he got, kissing Caspian just as passionately as Caspian kissed him, running a hand through Caspian's hair, the way he'd wanted to do for so long, and attempting to pull him in even closer, even though he wasn't sure they could be any closer right now.

Edmund was used to taking the lead when it came to kissing, but this kiss with Caspian felt like a battle for dominance between the two of them. Now, however, Edmund really didn't care who won...not anymore. He just didn't want the moment to end.

All too soon, they broke apart, gasping for air, still holding on to each other.

"Much better," Caspian whispered as he brushed a few strands of hair out of Edmund's eyes, almost like he couldn't help his typical caring gestures, even after such a passionate moment.

Edmund suspected that Caspian was trying to joke around with his ' _much better_ ' comment, but it was like the moment was too deep for either of them to be able to muster a smile.

Caspian's eyes somehow looked even darker than usual as he stared at Edmund, and the intense expression that Edmund had always been so fascinated by was back on his face.

As his lips still tingled from the kiss, and he still felt a flicker of disbelief, like he almost couldn't fully accept that this perfect moment was actually happening, and as he stared deeply into Caspian's eyes, drinking in that intense expression, Edmund couldn't help moving closer, and then they were kissing all over again.

The battle for dominance continued, with hands sneaking under T-shirts to touch bare skin, and the two of them nibbling, sometimes almost biting each other's lips...and then lips were moving along jaw lines, over each other's necks.

All of it was perfect, and Edmund found it strangely fitting that this romantic moment with Caspian was taking place while they were surrounded by piles of classic books, with the sunlight streaming in through the windows.

When they finally broke apart again, Edmund was sure he detected a hint of tears forming in Caspian's eyes, but then Caspian pulled him in for a hug, and Edmund went willingly into his embrace, also feeling a bit emotional for the first time in a long time. He simply allowed Caspian to hold him, and fully let himself appreciate how perfectly he fit into Caspian's arms. He even placed a soft kiss to Caspian's neck, almost as a silent apology for his not-so-pleasant behaviour recently.

Edmund couldn't help wondering why he had this desire to take part in these romantic and affectionate gestures-gestures he had never really shared with anyone else before. In the end, he decided that perhaps this was only natural, when two people were 'very fond' of each other. Or when two people were lovers.

* * *

A little while later, the two of them ended up sitting back down on the sofa together, sharing almost-shy smiles as they got comfortable, like they both couldn't believe that they had been brave enough to share a kiss.

This time, Edmund actually allowed Caspian to drape an arm over his shoulder as he cuddled into him, telling himself that he must still be feeling too dazed from all the kissing to really think logically at the moment.

It was strange, to witness Caspian being so romantic with him, to actually be able to  _enjoy_  all of Caspian's affectionate gestures without feeling angry or insecure, and without feeling like a naive younger sibling. Edmund was sure it would take some time to get used to it.

With a smirk, Caspian suddenly picked up the remote control and pressed 'play', and the sounds of the horror film filled the room, even though they weren't really watching it, apart from the occasional pause in their kissing so that they could look at the television screen and laugh.

Edmund felt happier, more loose and carefree, than he had felt in months. In his rush of happiness, he vowed to try and be more pleasant with everyone from now on, to maybe try and listen more carefully and be more sympathetic with people, and also to be less stubborn and apologise for all of his wrongdoing.

For all that Caspian apparently admired Edmund's bravery, Edmund in turn admired Caspian's more gentle and caring ways, and he wanted to be a bit more like him in that way.

"You know, Ed," Caspian muttered as he ran his hand softly through Edmund's hair during another pause in kissing, "the offer's still there, to be your prince…"

Edmund turned to look right at Caspian, who was smiling at him, like he was joking around, or like he was trying hard not to laugh, but the look in his eyes seemed to suggest that there was a part of him that was being rather serious.

Automatically, Edmund rolled his eyes. He really had to struggle not to blush at the memory of Caspian's drunken comment a few weeks ago. "Yeah, well, I'm not being your princess," he retorted with another roll of his eyes, unable to stop himself from smiling a little as Caspian laughed at his response.

It  _was_  a bit strange though, now that he realised Caspian's comment about being his prince had been intended as some kind of flirtation. Edmund never would have guessed it, before today.

"You can be my king, if you'd prefer," Caspian smirked at him, that not-so-innocent look back in his eyes.

Edmund almost shook his head in disbelief as he thought about all of Caspian's words and gestures since they first met, and how obvious it now seemed that Caspian had been trying to flirt with him all along. And Edmund had remained clueless and oblivious the whole time, letting his insecurities about overprotective older brothers cloud his judgment.

"Oh, all right," Edmund responded with a mock sigh, as he leaned back into Caspian, trying not to look too pleased with himself.

"Good," Caspian whispered, his lips right up against Edmund's neck, "I was running out of ideas on how to flirt with you, and discreetly ask you out on dates, and excuses to share a bed with you..."

Edmund blinked in shock a couple of times as he started to work out that Caspian's previous offers to share his bed perhaps hadn't been as platonic as Edmund had once assumed.

They both continued to watch the awful film about monsters for a little bit in silence, but the silence was definitely a comfortable one.

Now feeling a lot better about everything that had been going on lately, Edmund decided to send a text message to Peter, telling him in the message that he was 'a wonderful older brother'.

 _Edmund, are you drunk?_ his older brother responded to his text in typical Peter fashion, and Edmund tried to hide his smile as Caspian attempted to read the message over his shoulder.

However, Peter  _did_  send a few smiley-faces back to Edmund after Edmund text him back to insist that he was perfectly sober, thank you very much.

The text message exchange reinforced Edmund's determination to be a bit more patient and caring with the ones he loved from now on, as well as a determination to allow himself to be a little more vulnerable sometimes-when he was around Caspian, anyway, in order to allow Caspian to indulge in his apparent need to protect him...

So, later in the day, after Lucy and Eustace joined them in the living room, and Edmund told Eustace firmly that Lucy should get her turn to choose a film for them to watch tonight (and Caspian actually backed him up with a solemn,  _"Listen to your cousin, Eustace,"_  as though they were now both acting like the parents of this precocious child), Edmund allowed Caspian to hold him almost protectively in his arms while they lay cuddled up on the sofa together, with Edmund placing soft kisses to Caspian's neck as Caspian stroked his hair, all the while ignoring the raised eyebrows and the knowing smirks from Lucy, and the sighs and the eye-rolls from Eustace as he scribbled furiously in his diary.

Edmund Pevensie was kind and generous like that.


End file.
